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[Nov. 23rd, 2009|08:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
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So, what did you all get me for my birthday?
And a very happy Otherstide to all of you at home. |
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[Nov. 21st, 2009|11:10 pm] |
I may have, sort of, semi-accidentally got married again. Don't worry, she's been dead for centuries so it's not still legally binding. I was just in the mood for a wedding, that's all. She wouldn't put out unless I married her.
I blame Donna, I never had a fetish for gingers before I met her.
Funny how the unexpected happens, isn't it?
Oh, and we're going to kill the Master. For the good of the universe.
And if you see a tall bloke with a huge forehead, he's me. Weird accident, sort of a regeneration only I'm still here.
Busy, busy, busy! |
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[Nov. 16th, 2009|08:31 pm] |
*sorts out a divorce*
*makes plans to kill the Master, with reference to Donna's plan to save Yana*
*writes off to a convent of cats to see if they will take Penny*
*massages aching knees* |
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[Nov. 14th, 2009|09:37 am] |
*calls Reinette, having been tragically cockblocked, and leaves a message*
Hello, Mrs Gate, it's... *stops disguising voice* It's me. Can we have a nice chat about our divorce, there are some legal technicalities that have come to my attention. Silly things, easily sorted out.
Oh, and have you considered having the children neutered? |
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[Nov. 12th, 2009|11:43 pm] |
*wakes up hungover with a bra in one hand and a traffic warden's hat in the other*
*feels the urge to blog that fact*
I have bonded with Dafydd over beer and human women. I was trying not to be such a slag but we were being manly together and I was trying to avoid my feelings, which I know from my work at Woman's Own to be a destructive habit. Who would have thought it, eh?
Have officially given up on the evil ex-boyfriend. He has stolen my children from me and I must hurt him in return. Have made a list of ways to hurt him and scored out all the erotic ones because I am so over him now. I feel liberated, as though I was singing I Will Survive at a kareoke night. But more than that, even.
Plan to spend some time with the children to get to love know them again. Would ask Reinette about some of the things I am not sure on any longer, but she is probably busy having wild sex with Jack and no longer has time for me. I might give her a call anyway, I can always leave a message and disguise my voice to sound like someone else who is just interested in knowing these things. Then I will have a good cry.
Please let me know if you have lost a red 36b bra with little lacy bits, thanks in advance. |
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[Nov. 8th, 2009|02:35 am] |
I wonder what it's like being a human. Or a dog. Or a cat. It must be great being a hamster, people give you food all the time and you get a little wheel. People say I am a bit like a cat, I suppose they mean in that I am huggable and cute.
Job at Woman's Own is going well, but as we get into the festive season there are more and more letters. They are sad ones, and not my favourite letters which are more along the lines of "Is my husband hiding something or did he really fall on a cucumber while vacuuming naked?"
I would appreciate subtle hints about what people want for Christmas. I personally do not need any more ties, thanks. |
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[Nov. 5th, 2009|12:41 am] |
*builds a bonfire out of things associated with Jack*
*begins work on an effigy of Jack*
*takes a break to blog*
I think Daffy is attracted to Jenny. I suppose she is very... umm, purely from a disinterested standpoint, but she is very supple. I think it is a mutual attraction, so it may be time to have Jenny sent to a nunnery. She would love a nunnery, all that sewing and praying to me gods. It is not a double-standard, just that Jenny is unusually bendy and given to naive thoughts.
Wrote a novella this morning about a wonderful man who is repeatedly left by the women he loves for less interesting men with smaller cocks. River read a bit of it and said that it was no wonder because he sends out mixed signals and treats them badly, but I think she is just in a bad mood because she got something in her eye last night and blames me even though I didn't mean to get her in the eye with it. In the end the main character is reunited with his fickle wife who has seen the error of her ways and is glad to discover that they were never legally divorced due to an accident with a real name and a time-machine. The other women in the story are a bit upset but mostly very happy for them because their love is amazing and sexy. Then her lover dies in a horrible accident from which no one could get better even if they regrow when they die. I think it is a wonderful story, I might send it to a publisher. River knows a good one, she has been supplementing her income with stories about a mysterious alien and his sexual exploits with an archeologist. They must be based on Indiana Jones or something like that.
*returns to the bonfire* |
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[Nov. 3rd, 2009|03:26 pm] |
I am told that Jack, the festering whore, has started a relationship with Reinette. That git. I would do anything to have her back and yet she settles for him. I don't understand humans, I really don't.
But in happier news I have started a relationship with a River who has not yet left me for me. She says I should not envy me as I am both me and we are both a fantastic shag. :) Note to self: threesome? Isn't time-travel great? Also she is younger than herself with perkier breasts. They are so inviting, like areas of erotic welcome. I will treat her right and be loved as I deserve.
Wrote another novel last night. It is an insightful homoerotic adventure story about a man and his nemesis who are secretly in love and nobody knows because it is a secret. I don't want to spoil the ending, but there is at least one wedding scene. |
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[Nov. 1st, 2009|08:40 pm] |
Saw Sarah Jane again, bloody hell she looks good for a woman of her age. The kids were there so we were not physically intimate, but it was nice just seeing her and touching her and being able to appreciate how she has kept her figure. Not that I have anything against curvier women with welcoming expanses, but it is quite amazing when humans can keep looking the same for years. She is as energetic and fresh-faced as the day we met, with much better hair. It is also very kind of her to train all those children to be my companions some day. That Clyde one is especially impressive, I would like to travel with him. Really they are all wonderful, even if there is slightly wooden about her son. (Don't worry, he is adopted, and I checked him for extra hearts just in case.)
Did not celebrate Halloween because it reminds me of when the Master tried to kill Jo in a fit of sexual envy. Not that Jo ever put out, though believe me when I say I tried. Visited a friend instead and we watched Batman. He is indeed heroic but plagued by issues that he really needs to get sorted out. People like that need to be in therapy.
Feel like I am going to live forever.
Have presents, if anyone wants to visit me. Please? |
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[Aug. 24th, 2009|09:51 pm] |
*sets up an overly-complicated Acme trap to capture the Master*
*texts the Master's TARDIS*
hav killled a child want 2 c?? lots of blod and u can help dispoose of bodyy
*waits* |
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[Aug. 17th, 2009|10:49 am] |
*returns from Reinette's*
*organises some stuff, including a big motherfucking gun*
*sends a message to the Master*
Dear Master,
I have become evil. Mwahahaha. Hah. Perhaps we could meet up sometime and be evil together? You have been doing it longer than I have, so will no doubt have much to teach me about it all. I also have new evil kinks that I would like to explore with you. They involve jam.
Yours evilly,
The Doctor
xxx
*tries to be determined* |
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[Aug. 11th, 2009|05:54 pm] |
The Master isn't dead. I have stopped being surprised by that. It's just his way, like how some people are left-handed. Jack was not happy about it, I suspect he might want to break up with me. I don't want that to happen, Jack is kind and handsome and not evil. Ideally we would all live together in a polyamorous relationship, but I can understand that Jack doesn't like the Master very much given what happened on the Valiant.
Penny and I talked about our feelings, I think it went well. I think being an Agony Aunt is helping me to connect with people. I feel all emotional and look forward to new phase in my life. A phase of relative openness and emotional honesty. I've written some poetry.
I got praised at work because I haven't caused any suicides yet, and apparently that's an improvement over their last Agony Aunt. It is not a career I would have thought to pursue, but it turns out I am really good at it and give out excellent advice. I have only ruined one marriage so far, which is a good record considering how bad I am at my own marriages. |
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[Aug. 6th, 2009|06:29 am] |
Penny has stopped unaging, which is a relief. I wonder what it was. There's still a certain evilness to deal with, but that's not an immediate danger, I would think. I will have to think on that matter, even though my instinct is to avoid thinking about it in case I get depressed. I would hate to think I've spawned an evil that will destroy the universe. At least not with Reinette. Have you noticed she seems to be getting sexier as she ages? Still, I have a wonderful boyfriend and he is all I need. Might get another companion, though. Ginger worked out quite well, I think I'll get one of those again.
Job is going very well indeed. I have solved all sorts of problems for people. I love being an Agony Aunt, it is a profession that helps make the world a better place via the application of shallow insight and tired platitudes. |
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[Jul. 29th, 2009|01:41 am] |
*goes to visit Reinette about Penny*
*brings presents*
*and condoms, because you never know* |
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[Jul. 27th, 2009|02:18 am] |
I have a boyfriend :) He is immortal so he will never leave me by dying :) We can be together literally forever and we are allowed to see other people as well. He is handsome and brave and good of heart and very good in bed. He is everything I have ever wanted in a lover.
I am so happy I could vomit rainbows :) |
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[Jul. 20th, 2009|10:13 pm] |
Sorry I have not updated I have been very busy. For example I have an exciting job! I am to be the new Agony Aunt for Woman's Own magazine. I saved the staff from being eaten by these huge space elephant things and they offered me work there and I do need some money to pay for all these children who have birthdays I have never forgotten. And have you seen the price of ties lately? I hope to bring happiness to many people with expert advice based on centuries of being alive. I may share some of the better letters with you all, though I will of course remove all names.
Do you think I could carry off tweed? Maybe a little bow tie? It's just something I was thinking about for if I ever want a bit of a change. |
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| Very Interesting Update |
[Apr. 15th, 2009|10:32 pm] |
I have discovered that the sonic screwdriver can make sunglasses. Implausible but fucking brilliant. I would not call it a magic wand but it is a bit. My wand is very much magic, all the ladies and men say so. ;)
I met a new lady I think she wanted to make sweet love to me, as is usual. She had nice tits. Not as nice as Donna's but certainly up to my newly calibrated standards. I would like to weigh them. I realise I do not know enough about what breasts weigh, this is a sad, sad omission. Shall buy scales and engineer excuse in future. Though as I am currently not seeking anyone to travel with due to emo, I will be happy to weigh any offered breasts regardless of status re my travel arrangements.
I have been crying, masturbating, and then crying some more, just like when I was a teenager. Perhaps I am hitting the menopause. I hope not, I do not want my bum-juice to dry up.
I think I shall weigh River Song's breasts when I next see her and her boobies. I think I will also weight my cock and add that to extensive measurements I have already taken in six dimensions. I could calculate it's density, that would be cool. The ladies love a good density. And LL Cool J, apparently. |
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[Jan. 6th, 2009|03:47 pm] |
The past few days I've felt like someone's been walking over my grave.
And now River has left me.
I am so alone, so very alone. I am cursed never to be happy. |
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